Change of Heart
by scgirl-317
Summary: Post-ep tag for 9.18 "About Face." Ryan finds himself at Natalia's doorstep after the day's events.


Title: Change of Heart

Author: scgirl_317

Summary: Post-ep tag for 9.18 "About Face." Ryan finds himself at Natalia's doorstep after the day's events.

Author's Note: This may very well be one of the harsher stories I've written. When I started, I thought it was going in a similar direction as _Someone to Watch Over Me_, but as I wrote, it took on a life of it's own. _Someone to Watch Over Me_ is a more compassionate, comforting story. This one, the emotions are more raw, and the tone definitely reflects that. So with that in mind, I hope you enjoy it.

* * *

Ryan hadn't been happy about canceling on Molly, but she had said she understood. With MDPD taking over the prison break case from the Marshal's office, there was a lot of work to be done. The first of the case files arrived shortly, and Ryan spent the rest of the night cataloging everything.

He didn't stop until he realized that he had read the same page four times and still had no clue what it said. He glanced at a clock and did a double-take to ensure he had read it correctly; it was well after 1 a.m. No wonder he was so tired. He knew he was done for the day—well, night—and put up the files to continue through them in the morning. He was on autopilot as he grabbed his things from his locker and started his car.

As he drove home, his thoughts drifted back to what was now the previous day. He had kept his cool when Natalia had been kidnapped, but beneath the surface he was still berating himself for not realizing something was wrong sooner. If he had, she may not have been injured. That was why he had not gone with Horatio; he didn't think he could have born to look her in they eyes for his lack of awareness.

He continued to go over everything he could have done differently until he put the car in park. It was then that he realized he was not at his own house, but Natalia's condo. He was about to pull away when he noticed the light on in the front room and the curtains part ever so slightly. He couldn't very well leave once he'd been seen; he'd been a coward once that day, he wasn't about to be a coward again. He put the car in park and got out.

He only had to wait seconds after knocking for the door to open. Natalia stood there in sweatpants and a button-up shirt, arm still in a sling, but it was the look in her eyes that he noticed the most. They were wide with alarm, and they glistened with the tears that he knew she refused to let fall.

His own previous anxieties melted away at the sight of her. She stepped aside to let him enter, and he pulled her to him once she had closed he door. At first, she just stood there, but after a few moments, she wrapped her good arm around him, clinging to him and burying her face in his chest.

"I'm sorry," Ryan said quietly after they had stood like that for some time. "I should have known something was wrong sooner. If I had, you wouldn't be in this shape. I was ticked that I had to come in on my day off, and I never stopped to think that something might be wrong until it was too late. Forgive me."

"Wasn't your fault," Natalia mumbled into his shirt, not moving. "Was careless, didn't pay enough attention, then he grabbed me."

"Natalia, it could have happened to any one of us," he lightly rebuked her. "You didn't do anything wrong."

Natalia drew a shuddering breath, "I kept seeing her body twisted like that, and I knew I was next. No one would find me until he was long gone. Until I was long gone…"

She had started shaking, and Ryan knew she was no longer in her living room, but back in the van. He wasn't sure what to do, but he knew he needed to get her out of that memory. Deciding he needed to do something, he forcibly pushed her back, gripping her arms but careful about her injured arm.

"Natalia, it's over," he said roughly. "Patrick Clarkson is being dealt with for what he did. He won't hurt you again. I promise."

Natalia shook herself, Ryan's words having been able to cut through the fog. She saw his concern for her on his face and knew that the day's events had left her with more than physical marks. She finally broke, allowing the tears that she had pent up all day their freedom. Ryan let her cling to him, and as he felt her tears soak into his shirt, he realized that his own where joining hers.

It took almost losing Natalia for Ryan to realized how he felt. It shouldn't have. He should have seen it. Why didn't he see it? It was so obvious now that he could see clearly. Especially after the incident with the fake psychic. Why he hadn't realized it then was a mystery to him. But he had seen it now, and it made his tears even more bitter, for he hated seeing the woman he loved in pain. They stood there in each other's arms for what seemed like an eternity before Natalia's tears subsided.

He kissed the top of her head, tightening his hold around her waist while one hand drifted up her spine to the base of her neck. He pulled back enough to look on her face, and on an impulse he kissed her. It was a gentle kiss, but the emotions it contained were raw and intense, and the part of his brain that was still capable of rational thought was afraid it would frighten her. She surprised him, however, when she responded, kissing him back with far more passion that he expected.

Rational thought soon went out the window, as they began exploring each other. Natalia ran her hands up under Ryan's shirt as he kissed down her neck. Movements became bolder, more passionate, and somehow, by the time they had made their way to her bedroom, both their shirts had been discarded, while the sling had been left behind. The rest of their clothes followed, and Ryan proceeded to make Natalia forget about the day's events. He made slow, sweet love to her, careful of her shoulder, making sure she was satisfied before allowing himself to let loose.

Afterward, Ryan pulled the blanket up around them, and he held her as they basked in the afterglow. They fell asleep like that, and neither had moved much when Natalia's alarm clock woke them a few hours later.

Annoyed that something was interrupting his sleep, Ryan flung his hand over to the night stand, trying to find the offending machine. When he could not find it, he finally opened his eyes and realized he was not in his bedroom, nor was he alone. Natalia still lay with her head resting on his chest, her eve breathing indicating that the baring alarm was not disturbing her. He reached across, trying not to disturb her, and turned off the alarm.

He paused to look at Natalia. The terror and turmoil of the previous day were not evident on her face; instead, she had a look of peace, happiness even. He hated to wake her, but he knew they needed to talk before anything else, and he still needed to go back home and get ready for the day. Gently, he stroked her face and back until she slowly blinked open her eyes. Her first reaction upon seeing him was to smile, but memories of the night before started drifting back, and her expression changed. Was she regretting what happened? He wasn't sure, but he wanted to leave her an out just in case. He was not about to push her into anything she didn't want.

"Good morning," Ryan said, unsure of how things were going to proceed. "We should probably talk about last night."

"Do you regret it?" Natalia asked, worry suddenly creasing her brow.

"Do you?" he hedged, unwilling to give a solid answer before he knew how she felt.

"No," she said definitely. "In some way, I think I needed that. That it was with you was a very pleasant bonus," she added with a smile, leaning up to kiss him.

Her words made Ryan relax, and he kissed her back. He pulled back after a moment, meeting her eyes. Could he tell her? Yes, he thought he could. He took a breath and smiled.

"I love you, Natalia."

She blinked in surprise, but her smile grew. Instead of speaking, she kissed him again.

"I love you, Ryan," she told him after a moment.

All previous anxiety was gone, and he once again claimed her mouth. Who cared about getting to work on time? Given the events of the previous day, Horatio would understand. There were far more urgent matters to be dealt with here.


End file.
